I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
