I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
