I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
