It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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