honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
oh yeah. preciate
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"