I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Randomize
