I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
