Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
