What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
