I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
