I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
there's paper in my vomit.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
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