Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
