So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
