Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
