My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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