Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
Randomize
