oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
