32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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