Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
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Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
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I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman