he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
17 of the Dumbest Defenses Heard in Court
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
These 19 Ladies Love Pegging Their Men
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?