she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.