I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together