All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.