dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
