who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
