Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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