The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
