Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Randomize
