If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
