you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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