Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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