you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
Randomize
