booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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