Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
Randomize
