Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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