When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
