How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
