FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
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