I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
