My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
