Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Randomize
