so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Randomize
