in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
