The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
