textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Randomize
