can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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