He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
