Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
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