Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
