just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
