I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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