So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
