maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
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