Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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