My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Randomize
