Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
