Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
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