I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize