What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
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just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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