i think my tv is drunk
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
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Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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