and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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