Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
