I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don’t understand his energy
What? Nice? Lmao
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