i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
im six kinds of drunk right now
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
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